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An Excerpt From Abhaya’s Diary…. 15th April 1997

I was really excited that day. It was my brother’s first day at school. Though it was for the very first time, my mother did not help me get ready, instead it was my father who helped me put on my uniform. I like it when my father does something for me. Before that day, I had never experienced my brother sharing a single bite of his food with me. But in order to save time my mother served breakfast on the same plate and without any complain, I offered my egg to him. And without any hesitation he returned ( contrary to his nature) back the egg. My father dropped us to school.
Throughout, I was very excited. I did all my schoolwork far more sincerely than other days. Whenever, I got a little time, I thought about the morning. It filled me with excitement. My mother always taught me to share food with my brother and friends. She always said that * from me that he would learn the pleasure of giving. But that never happened. I thought school could change everything. School is really the ideal place that could change anybody. From the very first day of his school my brother learned a lot. It was fun going to school together. We could always share the food happily. No fighting anymore. I was lost in my thoughts. As a result of which I took the wrong bus for home. I got aware of it just after a while when I saw that I couldn’t see the same roads anymore but  all I could see was water and only water through the window. Our township is situated near a big canal. I realized I was moving towards a different direction, Not towards my home but somewhere else. I called upon the conductor and asked him “where is the bus going?”
He informed me that it was going towards the permanent township.

I was not panicked a bit because that was where my uncle stayed. I knew the way to* his house. At least, I was not lost. I told him where my uncle stayed but he insisted me to take out my identification card and find out my address. I told him where I stayed. The senior students in the bus panicked but I laughed at their stupidity. After all, whole of this place belonged to me, at least I wouldn’t get lost, and my heart filled with joy as I contemplated the water. I had a feeling of unrestrained, unshackled freedom. But yes I did want to get back home. I knew my mother was waiting for me at the lunch table. The conductor checked my card, and found out that I was the daughter of their “Gate Pass Madam”. My mother was quite well-known in the township. It was her responsibility to issue Gate passes to the outsiders. She was working with the “Town Administration”. Oh! It is so hard to spell! Very often, I used ask my mother, what she actually did ?, but never got a satisfactory answer. I only knew that she issued gate passes, sometime discussed the problems of the laborers and workers with my father, and if someone committed theft or robberies then they were first brought to my mother and then handed over to the police. The last thought actually added a bit more to my relief. I knew the conductor  wouldn’t offer me  chocolates and candies and I won’t be taken away to any selfish giant’s cave. After all I am the daughter of their “Gate pass madam”. He said” Wait for a while, we won’t leave you here with any * uncle. The bus will take you back to your mother’s office”.
“She is not in the office right now”, I blurted. “She is at home. This is lunch time. Drop me at my uncle’s house and then I can make a call to her.”

My words were given no importance.

Right then, right there, the gardens and fountains, all the panoramic vistas that my baby eyes could fathom… This particular township was so much better than ours. I just wanted to make a call back home but never wanted to get back so early. This break of routine was really amazing for me. I wanted to see my cousins as well. But the bus driver and conductor were so stubborn.

On my way back home, once again I could see those “water, water everywhere” scenes through the window. They dropped me at the bus stop near my house. I saw my mother and aunt standing there. My mother grabbed me at once. I could make out that she had cried a lot but was now trying to hide her tears in front of me. My aunt was crying aloud. The conductor exclaimed that I was really brave and cooperative. I was taken home. I don’t know what it was, but something strange filled my heart. Somehow I was not able to face my mother’s tear. I had never seen her cry before. At night my favorite food was cooked.Now, I really felt like crying. I wanted to hug my mother and scream but something held me back. I managed to hide my tears but it was really hard. We all sat down together to cherish a “sweet family” dinner. Despite all the bit of adventure I had enjoyed, I could feel that I was glad that at last I was back, “back to home, sweet home”, back to the warmth and safety of my mother’s arms, to the place where I could now enjoy a serene night’s sleep. And I was happy, because I could feel that everyone else was happy, happy because I was back to them, happy because to them, food tasted so much better when I was at the table. I blinked a tear, a drop of my peace and joy and felt it drop on my plate where it glistened like the costliest jewel.


Lord as a best friend…………

Today while reading some articles on religion and mythology, I got attracted towards two mythological figures from the great epic Mahabharata. One is Sree Krishna and the other is Draupadi and the friendship they shared. Based on these two figures, I would prefer to share some of my views on true friendship. We often hear people calling Krishna, a womanizer. Considering, Radha Krishna’s story, his past-time with gopies and then having so many wives, from a very general point of view, many times, I too got blown away with the common impression that people have for him. But When I give emphasis to Krishna and Draupadi’s relationship, a certain voice from inside always tell me to respect them both.
Draupadi was not just blessed with beauty but also the virtue. She was always submissive towards her duty. Many a time people have raised questions about her character but no one ever realized that getting married to five husbands was never her luxury but compulsion and struggle as well. In fact, she did so for the greater good of all without even thinking about the bad consequences she would face. She did not even have the right to love just that one person who achieved her and whom she desired with all her heart before marriage. She stayed committed to all five equally. She had five husbands but no one was truly committed to her or stood up for her when needed. Each one of them brought another wife or wives for themselves without giving importance to her feelings and sacrifices. Well, we can consider Bheem as an exception because he got married to Hidimba even before he married Draupadi and avenged most of her insults. She had a powerful father, powerful brother, extremely talented and five powerful husbands but none of them was completely successful in protecting her respect and chastity. Actually, none of them really had respected her enough. It was Lord Krishna who guided her through all dark ways, protecting her chastity and never left her alone. In fact, the Lord was her only philosophical guide.
During Sisupal Vadh, Krishna got his finger cut and Draupadi without any delay covered the wound tearing a piece of cloth from her Saree and in return Krishna promised to repay the debt of each thread when needed and he kept his promise saving Draupadi’s chastity when Dushasan tried to disrobe her in front of the whole court. At that moment there was no one to help her out. No fatherly figures, brother and all-powerful husbands were helpless. When she repeatedly questioned her husband specially Yudhisthir, he was numb. Yudhisthir didn’t even respect her individuality as an independent human being and put her on a stake while gambling. When she questioned Bhism Pitamaha, though knowing that Duryodhana is doing evil, he got more stuck with his duty towards the kingdom and finding answer to the questions “Whether a man owns his wife or not or whether a master has the right to do anything he pleases with his slave?”,then to the lamenting woman standing in front of him asking for help. If he wanted he really could have helped Draupadi, who was daughter like for him from being disrobed.
But she never disrespected any of her husbands or elders of the family. Rather she was the only one who followed her husbands to the forest absorbing all the suffering but never put aside her duty towards her husbands. Pandavas’ other wives were not seen during this phase. Well, I do understand that it was needed for Subhadra to stay away and raise Abhimanyu but Draupadi had to stay away from her five sons for a period of whole 13 years. She had always shown respect to Gandhari and Dhritarashtra and had sympathized with their misfortune after the war. But it was in Dhritarashtra’s court where she faced the most insulting misfortune and her husband lost everything for a period 13 yrs.
During their 13 years of exile, it was her best friend Krishna who saved her husbands from Rishi Durvasa’s curse on her request. Krishna along with his own niece Abhimanyu looked after all five Upapandavs during that exile and made them trained and educated.
Lord Krishna always knew whoever it is, a queen or a maid, a friend or a friend’s wife, anyone or any lady belonging to any class is respectable and dishonouring or disrespecting another man’s lady or even looking at her with lust is an unforgivable offence. Therefore, we all know that he became the medium to vanquish all evil Kauravas from earth avenging Draupadi’s insult. Though he himself did not fight but helped Arjun and Bheem to fulfil their vow.
Nobody except Krishna whom Draupadi used to call her best friend gave her the deserved respect and fulfilled all his duties towards her.I know many would say that due to Arjun’s ignorance, Draupadi’s heart desired Karna many times when she realized her mistake to call Karna a Charioteer’s son at her self-choice ceremony but even if it is true, she never forgot her duties towards all her husbands and never left them alone in bad time. And then even being a man from that age, Karna believed in monogamy. If she would have wedded to Karna, nobody would have ever dared to insult her in front of the whole court. But she rather chose Arjun, who was on Dharma’s side in her eyes, at least for that moment when her self-choice ceremony was going on. Karna was the man who had all the qualities she desired. Other than being just a great archer, he was handsome, strong and full of humility, ethical but as he was on Duryodhan’s side, she preferred choosing Arjun. But the son of Dharma and devotees of Dharma remained silent when the whole world saw her destruction and except Krishna, no one came to her help. All her expectations got crushed.
Even in today’s world, we view the friendship between a man and a woman with filthy and doubtful eyes. But there are some other truths as well.Even in today’s world woman is considered as husband’s property, the man forces his dominance over the woman. Teachers, mentors, fatherly figures look upon to the daughter -like -girls with lustful eyes. Even if there are few who don’t, they are afraid to protest the evil, by hiding behind the veil of reputation and social status. I being a woman really understand that a woman should be the reason for man’s pride, glory and respect but it is also the duty of a man to protect his woman’s respect and should be the reason for her pride, glory and respect. Staring at other man’s lady with lustful eyes has always been a sinful act and would always remain that way. One should understand that staring at your brother’s or friend’s lady with lustful eyes brings disrespect to those men as well and the curse could anytime touch you and your family. According to Bhagvat Geeta, it’s our Karma that determines our future. What matters is the present moment and how we do justice to it. We too were born out of lady’s womb whom you call mother, we too have other relations like sisters and daughters who would also be someone’s wife someday. As a man you should understand that it would cause the same pain to that man as it would have caused to you if your lady or wife were watched with lustful eyes by other men. There is a difference between your brother or friend’s lady and a prostitute. But a girl should also keep in mind that your activities should also be such that it doesn’t harm your man’s dignity and you should always understand your own value and should stay beside your man during the crisis. Lord Krishna served Draupadi as his best friend because she herself never did anything wrong and was duty-bound irrespective of all the suffering she had gone through. God always stays with the right person. If you are talented, you are bound to get success in your work. Maharathi Karna has proved it many times but if you are not righteous and use your power and talent selfishly for yourself, then the tears of a duty-bound women and insulted men would never let you sleep peacefully, and would haunt you every night and be the reason for your downfall as happened to Duryodhan, Dushashan and Karna. Even Bhism Pitamaha, Kripacharya and Drona Acharya got penalized for remaining silent. Draupadi’s life was difficult but successful because it was Lord fighting for her and Lord knows everyone’s heart. Draupadi got the punishment for some of her mistakes from past but still, she was a better person as compared to others from that age and was rewarded for that. Draupadi and Krishna shared a better relationship with friends.
Dipanwita Mitra

For the Women and mothers…..

As a child I had always felt the absence of my mother.I lost her at a very early age. I even know people who have lost both their parents.But truly unlucky are those ,who have both but their parents got separated. Everyday in court I hear stories about divorce and separation.Breaking marriages have become so common now a days. I am not writing this as a lawyer.I am writing as a child who knows how it really feels like to grow up with single parent. I am writing this as woman who dreams to have family that would help her raise a children in a healthy environment. Right now I would prefer not to be a feminist. Rather I would suggest the ladies to think about it for a while. I want to make you feel that we have great responsibilities to give birth to a new generation and raise it. Therefore ladies, I request you that at least for the sake of your children avoid unnecessary arguments with your in-laws. I am not a married woman but have seen instances like divorce and separation and the bad consequences faced by the children. Losing a mother and losing a father brings about two different kinds of struggles in a child’s life. Act of god or natural death are unlucky events but seeing your parents arguing and getting separated are unacceptable. Whenever a lady first moves * to her in-law’s place, she consider her husband as the only dependable person there, who would care for her and understand her. It is also her duty to consider his parents as her own. Most of the marriages break because the wife wants to stay separate with her husband forcing him to leave his parents. Just think about the child.Children generally grow up well with their grandparents,uncles and aunts around. Today most girls had to go out working leaving their children at home alone or with maid servants. Sometimes this become unfortunate for the children and they become an all time loner lacking the capability to adjust. And when they grow up,they abandon their parents too. Today’s parents are capable of buying good education for their children but they deprive them from obtaining good cultures and values. Grey hairs bring culture with them that helps a person to develop a personality and humanity. So can’t we adjust a little bit. If you really consider your spouse as your better half, can’t you think in this way, that one half of you had been brought to earth by your parents and the other half by his and that is what makes you complete. Mother-in-law is not just a mother-in-law, she is in fact your own mother who has given birth to other half of you. On the other hand the men should also understand their wives, her fears, insecurities and all other adjustments she requires to make. You are her only strength in an unknown world called family. It would really be great if you eradicate your male ego and be more understanding. A man gets all his life to know and understand and experience the world but a woman get only few years of her life before marriage. And then the woman inside her should work but mother within her should stay at home. So it is required for all girls to learn more at an early age. If a mother is more experienced, she can use all her experience to build up a new generation because mother is the first teacher a child gets. So, if the mothers are not enough learned and experienced, she won’t be able to give enough to her child. On the other hand father’s life is a inspiration for them. So, it is very important for parents to set an example in their child’s life and it comes from how you treat each other and also the grey hairs of the family. Now, I would request the lawyers to help negotiate the problems between the couples who come to them before advising separation. They come to us for relief. Court can always offer some monetary relief, maintenance, alimony but can never mend a broken marriage or a broken family. Lawyers should be the one who should help the society grow and not to destroy it. Therefore, for the sake of some little money don’t encourage judicial separation or divorce until and unless all roads are closed.


The wet street,
My wet emotions,
The cool breeze,
My frozen desires,
The thunder sound,
And my thrill,
A lazy day,
And an unfinished book,
A cup of coffee,
Some missing memories,
A drenched canvas,
And exaggerated colours,
A search for inspiration,
The scratches of my pen,

In Search of the lost motivation..

Hope you are not deaf?
Then hear my cries.
Hope you are not dumb?
Then answer my questions,
Hope you are not blind?
Then see I am bleeding.
Hope you know,
I am searching you for so long?
Then stop this hide and seek.
Hope you know I am sinking?
Then make me swim,
Hope you love me?
Then show me a glimpse of you.

Because a glimpse of you,
Is truly you as a whole.
Show me yourself and I will continue.
Help me find you,
Help me win or else you would lose.

I exist because I believe,
That you too exist for me.

My Waits…………………..

Sweet moments and cosy cuddle,
Cute chat and loud laughter,
Long distance but close connection,
Your whisper and my deep breath,
Kisses and happiness,
Caresses of the soul,
My sweet pain.
My fantasies and your face,
Throbbing heart and long waits,
Expectations and rejections,
Your empathy and my hope,
Boundless tears and aching soul,
My shelter and your chest,
Deep sleep and my waits.

Life, A game of chess…

I never chose to play,
But you did.
Yours was the white pieces,
And mine was the black.
Your choice was made,
And I just played
The unwanted game.

Now Seeing my pawn getting promoted,
You want to stop.
But it is not me anymore playing,
Face the grand master.
He was the gamer
And we were the pieces,
And this is how,
The Grand Master plays.

Ravished emotion

Standing infornt of you,
Bare and naked.

Eyes still and cold,
staring at you,
But not with hope.

She is empty from inside,
Nothing to give,
Neither pleasure nor grief.

Purity of the virgin,
Had been sucked out,
Little soul had been,
Beaten and abused,
She cried and screamed,

But there was no escape.
Covered with blood,
She stares at you.

Is he the Devil who came to kill her,
Or the Saint who came to heal her?

Where is the only piece of cloth,
She had?,
Not the reputation,
But the respect she used to wear?

The changed me……

I started seeing you

As the friend, philosopher and guide.

You started seeing me

As The best future wife.

All I wanted you to be protective,

possessive and caring.

All you wanted me is to be changing.

I wanted you to love the real me,

You wanted to love the “perfectly changed me”.

Now, see I have changed a lot,

Now you miss the real me.

But I am happy with the “changed” me.

But sorry, now I failed to love the real you.

All I could do is to forgive you,

Though I miss the old real me.

Well I am thankful to you to show me

the other side of me.

Hope, you will able to forgive

The changed real me,

For not able to love’

the old real you.

Though I tried

But I failed to love the real you.